adventure, blog, goals, life, new beginnings, photography, self love, travel, Uncategorized

flowers and forgiveness

and find the place where every single thing you see ,

tells you to stay.

-seeker

so this is what happens when you haven’t blogged in a long time and you don’t know how to start.

(fyi- im writing this as i think about the process of moving away and what the last 3 months have taught me)

so lets start from the beginning. my name is Violet and i haven’t written in a while so i hope this makes sense.

in exactly 47 days i leave my hometown for what seems to be indefinitely.

these past 6 months for me have been such a whirlwind. such an up and down slope sometimes i forget to stop and breathe. i think these have been the busiest 6 months of my life.

but i’m happy. i think. i hope. i aspire to be.

every day.

there has been one thing that hasn’t slipped from my mind lately and its so overwhelming its changed, absolutely everything for me.

its the seasons. the seasons of life. the seasons that we live in. the seasons that just pass us by and we don’t notice they’re gone until they are then you can’t get them back. like for example, i see my dad and my little sister sitting on the couch reading and it’s something so normal you wouldn’t even think of it but the other day i saw them and cried inside a little. because one day a long time ago, that was me. and not only that- but i soon won’t see that anymore. soon that season too, will pass. there’s the drive that i have taken home for more than 2 years that soon won’t be the same. and the way the sun sets after a big monsoon storm. and the park in front of my house that i always go to when im sad and i need to think.

i seem to have forgotten over the years that these things one day will be different. and one day is so close now.

there was a season of my life years ago where i thought i could live without anyone- definitely not in the mean way you would think but more in the way that i felt self sufficient. but i was also 18.

there’s the season where i was in love, so in love i thought i was floating. i thought pain and love were interchangeable.

theres the season where i couldn’t think of peppermints or empanadas without crying.

and theres the season where i thought i couldn’t live without someone, and here i am- living without him.

there’s the weird season that i don’t remember. when i couldn’t wake up ever and i blocked everything out.

the season where i would listen to joan sebastian in the car with my dad all the time. i attribute my love to him to the fact that my mom went to his concert when she was pregnant.

there’s the season that im living in now where i am trying to hold onto every last bit of memory i have of my home. my sisters laugh. the drive that i’ve taken home for the past 3 years. the sunsets. one of my best friends being pregnant with her first child. i can’t wait to meet dear little clara. and i don’t want to miss a single moment. but i also feel like i can no longer stay where i’ve always been.

theres the season when strangers turned into friends and then turned into strangers again. and that it can be quite terrifying to not have someone anymore and live in a world without them. to live in a world without hearing their voice again. to live in a world with no rooftop dates. yet this is the first time i’ve been able to accept it without any repercussions.

i think life will always bring you back to the ones you belong with. no time or measure can change that love.

theres the season i don’t want to remember because quite frankly- i’m not that person anymore nor do i want to be.

theres the one where i decided to move across the country and not tell anyone. because now is as good time as any.

and then theres the season where i would spend days on the roof with my best friend crying and wondering if we were ever going to get out of it not knowing that that was a season in itself. that the brokenheartedness was only a season. that it had a time frame.

and those are strangely some of the days i miss most. my rooftop days don’t often come around anymore.

and i guess what im trying to say is that seasons come and they go. and we have to accept that right now- in this moment we, me, you are living in a season that will soon be over and another one will start.

i’ve always been scared of new beginnings, of starting over. of no one knowing my name. of not knowing who i am. of never being in love again. of no one ever loving me the way i deserve. i guess a lot of my fears are based around love because that’s where i’ve been hurt the most. but right now- in this somehow fleeting moment of security and confidence i am so ecstatic and ready for my new beginning. and i’m confident all those things will come.

and after this years convention- i am so confident that real love, true love, it never fails. in whatever form that may be.

and for those of you who have been here since 2016 know that a lot of my posts have revolved around dealing with hard situations, forgiveness, emotional wellbeing and so on.

although i was writing all of that, and i still wholeheartedly agree, at times i knew that there was still so much inner work to be done within myself to get to where i wanted to be.

to get to the flowers. to get to the forgiveness.

the flowers- the flowers are the blooming moments. this is the year for blooming. you and i have grown a lot. its time for these flowers to be as beautiful as our Creator meant for them to be.

did you know flowers can be dormant for a long time? they can be. but that doesnt mean they were never flowers to begin with.

you and i have always been flowers. you are beautiful. you are kind, i am kind. i can be. i will be.

it sounds cliché, maybe. but these are words we often forget to tell ourselves. i am so exhausted of thinking so lowly of myself, when i keep myself afloat and thats so much more than i ever give myself credit for.

i want to be kind to myself. because negative thinking patterns are hard to reverse but it can be done. there will be fall throughs- but if i’ve done it so many times before. i can do it again. and again, and again until its over. until all i can think of is how great my day was.

of how blessed i am to be living this life.

and there’s the forgiveness.

to yourself. to the you, to the me, that woke up this morning and immediately had a headache thinking about all the responsibilities. and those are just for today. to the me who is not happy all the time, but nevertheless she is trying.

earlier this year i wrote a list of all the things i wanted to learn to do this year. goals i was setting for myself. things i wanted to work on. dreams i strived to accomplish. one of them said “find the love of my life”. and looking back i don’t know what i meant at the time but i know what it means now. i don’t know if i was talking about another person, another kind of life, another mindset.

but now. now i see it. i was always the love of my life. if i could not begin to love myself, how would i go through this life like that? hating every piece? i couldnt, i can’t continue doing that.

thats not to say you can’t love other people if you don’t love yourself. because i’ve done it so many times before. and i like to think i always strive to put others ahead of me, because i love them. because it makes me who i am. and ive done so even when i didn’t love myself.

and although im not perfect or even close to liking myself as much as id like to, im much closer than i was.

and right now, as im laying in bed and all i can see is the ceiling spinning because today has been one of the days i cant get out of my own head- i remember something my sister has always told me. even if this is the worst possible day you could imagine it being- you never have to live through it again. you don’t have to go through it again. and oh how im going to miss her. i always keep those words very close to me.

if i lived through this not once, twice, but many times and i picked myself up. how wonderful. how serene. how gratifying it is to know i am capable of picking myself up and trying again.

i like to think of how proud 11 year old me would be. that i persisted. that im doing what i dreamed even if its terrifying. and im proud of her too. because she’s still the girl who loves to read. who loves spending time alone and who is so environmentally aware it’s actually a little funny. the one who takes pictures with her film camera of her favorite moments before they fly away. im still the little girl who won the spelling bee and spent my target gift card on yet more books. the hopeless romantic. the arizonian at heart who has cowgirl boots (what will i do with these in new york?)

im still her. looking up at the stars. contemplating all the possibilities. but remembering she cant choose them all.

as i pack up all my things in boxes, and along with that all the memories of the 22 years of life i have created for myself i am certain of only one thing between all the unknowns-

that i will be okay. that i will survive. that i will be happy.

i. will. be. okay.

that i will always have the flowers and the forgiveness. thats its time to forgive myself.

its time to love without bounds in between. to take a walk in my new neighborhood and wonder how i got here, but smile at every. single. part of it.

how its only once in a lifetime that your best friend decides to help you drive across the country to help you accomplish your hopes and dreams.

to serve the one who has given me everything without bounds. and how He has given me this opportunity and has guided every step of the way. what a loving Father and God i so undeservedly have.

to be so thankful, extremely just thankful that you have what you once prayed for. and the thing is- Jehovah knows exactly when the right moment is to answer our prayers. sometimes its right around the corner. sometimes it takes years. but when you get the answer- you KNOW. you feel it in your bones, in the innermost corners if your being- you know. its a beautiful thing when you ask for something for so long and now you realize why you didn’t get it. because it wasn’t good for you. and when its something thats so clearly for you- you will see the answers right in front of you. its something only you know, something you have to go through to see it happen, to see it change your entire life.

and i cannot believe this is my life.

and just drove across the country and packed all my things in my little subaru. and we went to chicago and a million other places and theres pictures and videos that one day i will show to my husband (lol) and possibly my children and i want to tell them how happy this made me. how even though i was scared i went for it and the circumstances weren’t perfect and i got about 10 anxiety attacks in between but i made it. i made it. im here.

and im going grocery shopping in a little bit. and somehow that calms me down.

im sitting here in the place i fell in love with when i was only 18 years old. its real, im here.

im sitting on the floor of this empty room wondering how i got here. the possibilities are endless. and im not just talking about paint.

im talking about life. its time to be brave. to face this head on. i just want to see myself be brave.

and i have never felt closer.

it really is the blooming season.

but darling, you are a river.

the rocks will break you.

the valleys will bend you.

but you will never stop.

because that is what you do.

you flow.

– vinati

and with that being said. i hope everyone who reads this knows that they can be brave too.

healing never comes from a place of comfort, it comes from a place of growth and accountability.

remember that breaking up with your past and running towards your future is never easy. the growing pains are real.

gift yourself flowers.

shower yourself with forgiveness.

never in my wildest dreams did i think i would get here today.

yet here i am- with a brand new mind in an old but new place. an old and new dream come true. the place that makes my heart beat.

-vi.

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adventure, blog, goals, life, mental health, new year, photography, self love, travel

24 things i learned in 2018

its been three incredible, growth-filled years since i started blogging.

three years. i know it may not seem like much but the amount of messages (deep, heartfelt messages) i’ve gotten thanking me for being able to explain how they feel- is just amazing to me. i started this for myself. because there were words i needed to say to people or situations that didn’t want to hear it- but i needed to tell somebody. anybody.

and thats how this started. and oh, how much i’ve grown. i don’t even recognize the girl who wrote the first “24 things i learned in 2016” post. its not me anymore. its much better. and looking back and reading those words i can accept what i felt gracefully and look back with only a thankful heart because apart from all the coming-of-age, heartbreak, 20 year old stuff, they helped me. the words helped me. the messages helped me. i remember one specific blog post i wrote last year about letting go, a friend of mine who doesn’t live here sent me the sweetest message. i remember she said she felt like she couldn’t find the words for what she felt for so long but she finally found them in my words. and i thought, me? what i wrote? my experiences actually helped someone?

yes. yes they did. and that in turn helped me heal in tremendous ways. from not knowing who in the world i was and feeling like i was not in my body at times, like it was not me. up until a few months ago i felt myself healing, finally growing, finally seeing what was so evidently coming next. how Jehovah was going to help me as long as i trusted in Him fully. and now i see it so clearly. i see exactly what i want. i see exactly where i want to be a year from now when i used to not even know what was coming tomorrow. from barely surviving to actually fully living.

so i want to thank every single person who read these posts over the past three years. who reached out and told me how much they helped and how much they relate. i truly love all of you guys. i’ve made friendships out of this blog. wonderful ones to say the least. i’ve become so vulnerable and talked about things that not everyone has the nerve to say, or accept. and i used to be scared but now i get questions and more questions and im so excited for life. i have never been this excited for life. like ever. and i used to think i couldn’t feel this way. obviously everyone has the bad days but i feel myself again. at least im myself and not in my head 24/7- or trying to get out of it, honestly.

growth is what it feels like to lose former versions of ourselves. its the shedding of the skin and the journey to becoming who we truly are. we have to unlearn and grow through who we thought we had to be, so we can just be. – mark groves

thats right- we have to unlearn. bet you’ve never heard that before. everyone says we have to learn and learn and learn and keep going to sometimes the point of exhaustion so that we can turn into this superhuman version of ourselves but sometimes we have to unlearn things. we have to unlearn toxic thinking patterns, toxic coping mechanisms, toxic habits. we have to unlearn our past selves so that we don’t fall back into harmful behavior. so we don’t fall back to running to the same old habits, the same toxic people, the same toxic situations just because thats all we know.

learn to unlearn. learn to let go. learn to let yourself be this new, great version. we can be as good or as bad as we really want to be.

i really dislike resolutions people give themselves in the new year because really we can change whenever but if thats what it takes for you- do it. we all have goals and things to work on. its only human.

now onto the list:

  1. learn how to do taxes and adult stuff- it honestly is important
  2. keep a clean environment- it helps your thinking space, your creative space, your mental space and pretty much everything else. messy life, messy mind.
  3. don’t tell people your business. i see a lot of people around me hype themselves up over things they haven’t fully planned out and then they don’t work out and they’re embarrassed. happens to the best of us.
  4. go out as much as you can (or can tolerate). this one has helped me a lot. i’m not a sociable person but usually i end up feeling better if i just go. i’ve met some incredible people along the way too.
  5. self-care is no joke. i know its hard but like really taking a bath once a week is gonna help or whatever you wanna do to take care of yourself really.
  6. try to shift yourself into a more positive mindset. less “poor me” and more “yay me”.
  7. go to all the good concerts. you could like really miss the chance of ever seeing them again
  8. have a creative outlet or a creative goal in mind. i’d probably go insane if i didn’t have some kind of creative hobby.
  9. quit anything that makes you feel like you want to die or just cry all the time. and i mean this in the most serious way possible- whatever it is just quit it because something better will come along.
  10. don’t suffer alone. i feel like the older we get- the more we tend to think we can’t talk about certain things or issues but there is always, always someone who cares enough about you.
  11. fewer people is always such a better time. than having a million friends whom you have nothing in common with.
  12. i feel like i wrote this on my first 24 things post but stop saying sorry so much. so many people this year have made me feel like i have to apologize for things they’ve done. or things i simply didn’t even do. so i say this to myself again- stop saying sorry so much. but also- say sorry when there is a reason and when you really messed up. even if you didn’t even notice that you did something to offend them. its good to just clear the air.
  13. you don’t need to do everything for everyone. (even friends or family) i know thats just who some of us are, but at one point they need to do things for themselves. sometimes people get comfortable with everything you do that they just rely and rely and rely and keep asking. focus on mutual understanding, respect, and mutual relationships in life.
  14. this ones gonna be random but define your style. i’ve worked for that in the past few months and it helps soo much with confidence and just feeling good in general.
  15. help anyone who needs it. like anyone. drop what you’re doing and just listen because sometimes thats all they need.
  16. just keep traveling a lot. try to squeeze in some alone trips because you honestly learn SO much about yourself.
  17. sometimes you change and someone else changes and things just change but thats part of being an adult and its part of having different goals and sometimes people just don’t fit anymore. and its okay. you eventually find your people and your way.
  18. don’t confuse loneliness for missing them. sometimes we just miss being in a relationship and not the person really.
  19. also you don’t need to be married by 20 contrary to popular belief. don’t let people set you up, tell you you’re picky or that you should marry or date so and so’s son. it doesn’t work that way. arranged marriages are not what we want in 2019 lol. but really- just don’t pay any mind to it.
  20. honestly if you know you have anxiety, if you know you have depression or something along the lines- please please please get some help before it gets out of hand. it won’t just go away. even if its a natural doctor if you’re against meds. its the best thing you can do for you. in a year you could be in a much better, much more beautiful place.
  21. really think about and solidify your goals. make a plan, make a list. write down exactly what you need to do in order to get where you need to. remember why you started. whatever you thought of- remember the why. its your driving force.
  22. no, you actually don’t need a boyfriend. you just need to be happy.
  23. sometimes people don’t love you the way you need to be loved. and its okay. you don’t have to be the only one communicating or confronting. relationships with others should honestly just be mutual. not equal, but mutual. because sometimes you need to pick up the other person and thats okay. my longest standing friendships are the ones i’ve never even had an argument with because there’s always communication that in the end, there’s not even room for issues to come up.
  24. love yourself, love the people who love you. love the people who don’t love you. love the people you used to love but things happened. honestly my biggest goal in life is to just love everyone. no matter if things happened between us that can no longer be fixed. you still have a place in my heart, i’ll still pick up the phone if you call. that kind of love. the good kind of love.

thank you guys for reading. i hope you all continue to be positive and work through whatevers coming next because this life isn’t getting any easier. i hope you love people and i hope they love you.

and i hope with all my heart that everyone finds what they’re supposed to, and everyone finds their way because i well know what its like to be lost.

with so much love, as always. – vi

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adventure, blog, life, mental health, photography, self love, travel, travel diary

its all new here again.

its been a long time guys.

since july to be exact. life is, has been, and will aways be crazy.

to be honest- these past few months have been full of adventure and re- self discovery if that makes any sense. i guess when you’re really living life goes by quick..because it’s already december. and im almost 22.

for the past two weeks or so i’ve probably been terrified of turning 22. for me it signifies more than just being able to sing the taylor swift song. it means a new level of ‘adulting’ that i wasn’t sure i was ready to take on at this point in my life.

but when have i ever been ready to take anything on? i think with certainty i can say never. but i do it anyways. i’m not the kind of person who waits for things to happen to me, i make them happen and go for it. we don’t have time to dream up scenarios where we get our lives together.

earlier this year i bought tickets to europe, on a whim, and i ended up going to five different countries. and to have done that at 21, it kind of blew my mind that i was on that airplane. one thing to note- europe is cold and you might get sick if you’re from arizona.

but it was amazing. i saw things i never thought i’d see in my lifetime. younger me felt like i was flying. one night when we got to our airbnb in paris, i went outside and i could see all these people eating, living their lives, sitting on their balconies and drinking wine and laughing and just: living. and its a shame that i had to see that to realize that the little things are what really matter. not the fact that you’re in paris or wherever you are. it is the small, the little things that light up the happiness in you and the creativity in you. of course i was happy to be there, i mean who wouldn’t want to go to paris? but what i mean is that you don’t have to go anywhere special for your life to be special. i probably cried more than i should have that day because i was just so thankful for everything that had led me there.

and for once – i was ready to take on whatever came next. i was and i finally feel decided and ready to move past the hard times that have come with growth, acceptance, and moving on from the past two years.

and to appreciate the people that grow with me. and to appreciate my family. and to appreciate the fact that to get my heart broken i had to have a heart. and to appreciate that life happens- but we must always, always get up and have faith and trust that things will eventually get better.

i thought that i would have some huge realization or i don’t know what i was expecting but its been the small things that have held me together over the years. i feel like i can breathe again lately.

i didn’t even notice how well i was doing until i started dancing again. i started dancing in the shower and in my room and with my sister and with my friends. and probably like two days ago i felt so much happiness and i couldn’t believe that i was dancing again. i hadn’t done that in a long time. i was a dancer for years so the fact that i was doing it again was quite the accomplishment.

i’ve been putting more effort into things like my style- which is superficial in a sense but if you know me you know i’m kinda into fashion. but i wasn’t for a long time, i didn’t care what i looked like because its hard to do that when you hate your job and you’re not exactly happy with where you are in life. and someone (close to me) told me the other day that i looked so much better. and thats when it hit me. i was better, i am better.

i hated my job- so i quit. i would constantly leave so tired and upset because the way i was treated was honestly upsetting. i hated some situations i constantly found myself in- so i took myself out of them and stopped letting others take advantage.

and im so happy i did. i even gained some weight. which at first wasn’t something that i thought i should be happy about, but i am now because that means im taking care of myself. that means i actually have time to eat. that means that i’m feeling healthy again. i think we all underestimate the power of taking care of ourselves. constantly busy is not always good. slowing down is good. self care is good. reading is good. sometimes not traveling all the time is good. routine is good. laughing is good. and no one- nobody should take that away from you.

we live in a culture where people- especially young adults feel pressured to have their schedule full all the time- no matter what that may be.

but i just want to say that slowing down with my life has been huge for me. slowing down and knowing that everything will come in its due time is something i’ve had to repeat to myself every day. but its been worth it. its helped me figure out exactly what i want to do. exactly what i want out of this life.

and i know and accept that things may not go as planned- but they always, always go as they should.

so lets celebrate the small victories. even the ones in our heads. the ones only you know about sometimes. but also the big ones. the ones you thought you’d never get to- but look at you. you did it. even if by ‘it’ has meant getting out of bed or working out for once or eating enough food or starting your own business or simply being happy again.

its all valid. we’re all valid. every little dream of yours is valid.

we constantly have a blank canvas ready for us to make what we want of it.

remember- it’s all new here again. it’s all new and beautiful and we’re here to try again every single day.

with soo much love, as always. -viūüĆô

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adventure, blog, life, mental health, photography, self love, travel, Uncategorized

the person you needed.

”¬†you¬†

and first, before him, and before her, and before them.

there was you.”

-nikita gill

this is for all the girls:

yes especially the girls (we go through a lot)

for the ones who can’t look in the mirror without hating every part

who feel like they are never understood

who don’t get along with their parents

who are depressed

who have gone through a heck of a time waiting for someone who was not ever planning on coming back

this is for the intense girls

the ones who feel everything

the ones who look crazy to everyone else

the ones who want to be happy but something inside them screams that they don’t deseve it

the ones who are proactive

who get what they want through hard work

who are strong

who are powerful

this is for all of them. all of my friends. all of the girls around me who i see struggling, who i wish I could hug all the time and tell them how its going to be okay. how even though you may be 16 and confused right now and it will be a rough couple of years but promise you- you will be 21 sooner than later and things will be different, so soo different, but they will be good.

i just got back home, home. for now at least and I’ve been on like 6 airplanes in the past 2 months so things have been crazy. but being in the air gives you time to think. and every time you come back from somewhere new, things are always inevitably different than when you left. its weird because i’ve somehow figured out what i want in this span of time and i think this year is the most exciting one yet for me.

lately i just see everyone around me and it seems so surreal because i’d see them and think they had their life together, they either had job they liked, were accomplishing their goals and somehow taking all the right steps, were in the right relationships somehow with the perfect person, would always somehow look presentable and perfect. and here I am: wrong relationships, never even paints her nails, needs a better (day) job, and has goals but does not even have an idea of how to get there. anyone else with me?

but the more I talked to my close friends I guess I just started noticing that no one has it together at 21. no one realistically ends up with their first boyfriends. no one knows how to start in terms of accomplishing goals at this age. no one is completely confident in themselves.

and i guess I just wanted to talk about something that has helped me to accept things the way that they are. to be who you needed when you were younger. if you didn’t have someone like you, how you can turn into that person for someone else. how you can try to get out of the mess you constantly find yourself in. i find myself helping someone when i see that they need it because i remember needing it. i remember needing to scream and yell and tell someone what was wrong and no one was there to listen.

its hard work. such such hard work. because at one point you have to stop hating yourself. you have to be okay with yourself. you have to accept that you are never going to look like someone else or have someone else’s life and surprise- that is your power. you have to wake up in the morning and force yourself up to a certain point to be okay. to not wish you weren’t you. you have through mountains and problems and challenges and so much that only you have experienced and you shouldn’t want it any other way because this is you- this is the epitome of who you are. and honestly if you knew how to take compliments instead of wondering if they are real or genuine or just flat out not believing it, this world would be a better place. because I’ve been there. taking compliments is honestly one of the hardest things for me. because how can you believe that you have something good, when you have never had a decent amount of self-esteem? its heavy stuff.

and lets talk about relationships. i have realized that you can have a relationship with someone, and this even speaks friendship wise, and if you are just never okay with yourself you end up giving your all to these people which is not necessarily bad in itself, but when they leave you have nothing left in you. you’re empty because you’re pouring from an empty cup. and trust me- that is not the best place to be. i know its overly repeated but you need to love yourself before you love other people. of course I think that its impossible to be able to fully love ourselves, its a constant process. but when you work towards it, your relationships with other people get better. and you attract the kind of people that only better you.

and when you have good people around you-even the worst of times don’t seem so bad.

another point that speaks volumes to me is mental health. again- you cannot pour from an empty cup. although my friends seem to describe me as the person who is always there- literally, there was a point and time when i felt i wasn’t even there for myself. but i don’t remember ever turning completely cold because of the way i felt. yes- that can be the easy way out. you can just stop trying in every sense of your life because you feel empty and basically just dead inside (lets be real shall we?). but that is not the way out. the main thing that got me out of almost 3 years of being depressed was being there for other, helping others, even when i felt the way i did. because even as much as i tried to numb myself to everything- i just couldn’t. that was never who i was. i guess to me, my problems were never greater than others. i simply realized that we all have problems. we all have struggles that could quite easily bring us down. and at the end of the day you have yourself. you have you. all day, all the time. so you can’t just make yourself numb because- all you really have is you.

i read something recently that talked a bit about forgiving and letting go. and this has been something huge for me. forgiving can come to mean literally letting go. just to let go. and nothing has resonated with me more than that in a long time. you must forgive other people for everything. because this will liberate you. it will set you free. i was recently in new york and that place has so many dead memories to me that i had to promise myself mid-way through the week that once i let go of them, it would set me free. that i could pass by the place where you told me you were sorry, that i could pass by the place that we met and just be okay with myself- be okay with you, in the past, where you and all these memories belong.

lets start letting go of all the nostalgia, of all the things that consistently weigh us down and feel like they are pounding in our heads- waiting to get out. its time that we realized that they aren’t good for us. there’s so many broken dreams but there are so many new ones. so many thing you and i can do, so many things left to live for. so many loves left to meet. so many books to read. so many more places to go. so many more goals to set your self.

so stop worrying about who you will marry. and about how all your friends seem to have it together. or about how you never seem to get along with your parents. or about how you don’t look like her, or her, or the girl on tv or the girl you saw at the mall.

forgive yourself. for all the times you didn’t take care of yourself. for all the times you didn’t take care of your health. for when you accepted the love you thought you deserved- when in reality you deserve so much more than half loves. for all the times you broke down in your car or in the middle of a day at work. for the messy-imperfect you who doesn’t look like a model all the time. it does not matter. you are here, and here is just the right place to be.

” the world is a large and confusing place, sometimes it is important to remember the simple things. like where you are for example.

here you are.”

-oliver jeffers

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blog, life, photography, self love, travel

a couple of 20 year olds who don’t know what they’re talking about

my favorite person is writing with me today. legit, favorite person. and we don’t know what we’re talking about. but we’re here to talk.

we’re both similar in so many ways but have weirdly different viewpoints on a ton of things. it keeps things interesting but also the reason why our friendship works so well. we learn, we cry, we debate, we feel, we laugh, we call each other¬†at 1 am (no big deal).¬† we build each other¬†up.

this is her:

hiii¬†guys. so before anything, i just want to say i don’t¬†normally do this so i don’t have a way with words like vi does. but ill try. anyways, im alondra¬†im¬†another 20 year old who doesn’t¬†know what she’s talking about (hence the title) but its 10:30, i can’t sleep (coffee=jittery). so here’s a little insight on the things that make me, me.

everyday life-

a- well im a night owl who wakes up at 6am not a good combination i would say. also explains the reason coffee is the love of my life (the only love of my life) people probably don’t know this cause im never really in tucson but i work full time. im a medical assistant and im head of peds at my clinic! pretty cool but also pretty stressful. i like keeping myself busy just cause maybe im a little scared to be alone for so long. and honestly im not an open person so im¬†not sure why i agreed to do this. but i’ve been trying to get out of my comfort zone.

vi- first of all, you volunteered mija buttttt i’m so happy to have you with me here writing. i am sometimes a night owl ( i’m trying to go to sleep earlier but you know i try) and i’m also a medical assistant, i actually work part time and i’ve been doing so for a while. i’m vegan (also not a thing a lot of people know). i have been for a while because of ethical, cruelty, and sustainability issues that i could go on and on about, but i’m not really a fan of people who just do it for the trendy part of it. doesn’t make sense to me, sorry.

a- and i’m not vegan

vi-and we’re still friends (omgghsjfshjh how??!??!@), cause we accept each other’s points of view. anyways…. i am also very, very, veryy much into photography as most people know. i’ve liked it for as long as i can remember, but i got my first actual camera almost 3 years ago. and it’s changed my life. i never thought that this would impulse me to start a blog, that i could meet so many people through it, and that eventually, i would make it a profession. so i’ ve also been working part-time as a wedding photographer on weekends every so often, which makes me soso happy.

a- and on the other hand you have people like me who have no talent. lol i’m not a minimalist. i have around 50 pairs of shoes so i guess thats my hobby. like i said im not vegan or vegetarian. but my diet isn’t horrible. i’ve been trying to improve. i’m trying to become gluten-free because of allergy reasons but im proud of the changes ive made and i honestly feel so much better since. im a californian disguised as a tucsonan so my life is hard. the city and the beach call me and my heart will always be there. also a modern day blair waldorf taking applications for a dorota¬†and also awaiting my chuck bass-not currently taking applications because chuck bass wouldn’t need an application ūüėČ

relationships-

how they (should, don’t, and how we make them) work:

vi- i think they should always be mutual effort. you can’t just give and give and tire yourself out with friendships¬†that are one-sided

a-i think we both have a lot of trouble with balancing that out in our lives. we both have the tendency to give more than we are given. and i understand why you do it vi, cause i do it all the time too. i just think we always end up loving too much, we don’t ever want to see the people we love (even though they don’t love us back) suffer.

vi-so we’re there, always there. but i don’t think they should work that way. i’ve gotten to a point, a, where i’m starting to understand what the value of a real friendship is, like this one.

a-stop making this so cheesy everyone’s gonna hate us lol. but same. i think when three of the most important people in your life leave you, you’re left broken. and once you’re¬†finally evolving and creating something for yourself, they come back. and you let them in cause that’s¬†just who we are. but meanwhile, i’ve¬†created quite frankly, better friendships and have come to realize the past ones were not the right ones. i guess in some way they never compare to what i have now. but that doesn’t mean i stop giving. maybe not in the same way. but i’m there for anything.

vi-for me it’s two. but same, on soooo many levels. i feel that (unfortunately) with all the pain, comes the beauty. so if i hadn’t lost what i lost,¬† i wouldn’t have dropped out of school for a¬†semester because i couldn’t even get up, i wouldn’t have gone back to school 3 months later, and i wouldn’t have met you. i also wouldn’t have realized the value of having people who would show up at your house no matter what, no matter what responsibilities they had to pull you out bed when you couldn’t think of reasons why, when in reality they were the reason why. i think that for me it all comes down to being 100% there. all the time. you cannot expect if you don’t give. and i truly believe that’s the place where the most beautiful friendships are formed. when you’re doing nothing for your own benefit, but only out of sincere love for the other person.

a-and i wouldn’t have asked you to sit next to me in clinicals! isn’t that crazy? the way things work? i wouldn’t have valued what i have now. or maybe i wouldn’t have even bothered trying to create stronger and better friendships for myself. healthier friendships. you for example, we have such a unique..

vi-soul changing, life-altering friendship

a-yes mija. i don’t even care if i have to eat vegan food. my dad literally always makes you vegan soup when you come. but as i was saying before i was interrupted, i guess that proves my point of “unique friendship” the selflessness is what makes it work. and i also have other friendships that build me up in so many different ways. i think we both do. i have someone who i would never be able to thank for the many ways and forms she saved me. being older than me she guided me when i couldn’t see the light. she would be in spain¬†with the love of her life and she would call me to see if i was okay (literally who does that??)¬†¬†i didn’t know who i was and she held my hand through it all, she fought for me until i was able to get up and fight for myself. and then, i also have my constant. who I’ve known for years and i am so so happy he hasn’t gotten tired of me. i think there’s a lot of misconception about a guy and girl friendship, but they work. i promise you they do. its one of my favorites because its so genuine and pure. he makes me laugh all the pain away until the only pain i feel is in my stomach. all i would want for him is happiness. plain and simple. and i know he wants the same for me. and we do have people with their snide remarks and assumptions but what we focus on is this friendship.¬†¬†i believe that’s how we’ve¬†survived so many years. so yes, it can get hard but after all “people throw rocks at things that shine” right? also,¬†i’m also such a guy and love talking basketball which also kinda makes me question our friendship cause he’s a celtics¬†fan and I’m a lakers fan (?!!!???!??)

vi-and i have no idea what you’re talking about (lollll), but i agree. i don’t think that anything or anyone should define what a friendship should be. not age, not gender, not anything but love. i probably only have 3 people that i’m very close to. one of them is you (duh), the other one is someone i have known most of my life. she doesn’t live here anymore and our time difference is annoying..but she always picks up the phone. always. always, always, always. we have been through so much together, and even apart. i can’t tell you how many times we’ve facetimed and literally just laughed the whole time because we just know each other so well. plus, she’s always ready to beat people up for me. and then there’s the one who would open the door when i showed at her house crying. the only one whose advice i trust blindly.

a- even i tell you to just go ask her for advice cause i don’t know and shes just so smart lol.

vi-she is older than me, but like i said, that has never even mattered to us. and i met her at a point where i was so confused with what and who i was. it was crazy because it was like our lives had mirrored each other at one point. everything i told her was something she’d already gone through. and through everything, she has always defended me. she just knows and understands me that well.

a-so this a little bit of how we believe our friendship (past or present) shape us into who were meant to be/come.

vi-everything affects everything. so we’re right where we’re supposed to be.

traveling with your best friend 101:

-currently at vi’s house, its 7:30 am. shes still sleeping while the sun rays woke me up.¬†

a- i think you’d like to know, i never get tired or annoyed of her. we make it our thing to see each other at least once a week. random sleepovers on random days. sleepovers on mondays when we both have work the next day. so it makes it pretty easy to travel with her. we both have a wild heart that can no longer be fed here in tucson. i crave different places, different culture, lifestyle, new people, foods, music, architectures, ideas, love, and unity. all this i can find in traveling. like ive said vi is also the same. were never really here in tucson. physically and mentally our hearts are somewhere else. so heres what we’ve learned from traveling with your best friend:

a-we buy tickets randomly and out of the blue. violets usually always finding cheap tickets and i’m the one who finds us a place to stay. its perfect teamwork and it works out lol.

vi- also, we usually plan our trips a week in advance. and somehow that works out (????) lol. but its fun. i’ve never really had anyone who would go along with all my crazy trip ideas until i found you. no one is ever as down as us to just go which is honestly amazing. and we hardly ever do anything too expensive or touristy (unless its ny bc i mean come on) and that’s how we usually save a ton. i have friends all over the place which is always great because i get to visit them and see pretty places. i think for me its so much more about finding myself while i’m away, because no real growth comes from comfort zones. and to be honest, sometimes its scary, its really downright scary when you’re stuck or you can’t find your passport or the subway station to get back to brooklyn. but that’s when you learn that you have to figure things out, because there’s always a way. so i can’t even say that its always pretty instagrammable pictures and videos, there’s always struggles when traveling alone or with just one other person who doesn’t know whats going on either.

a- honestly when we got lost in wall street i was scared. we got lost for a good 2hrs. we had to stop at this random store to ask for directions and not even then we were able to find the station. but traveling for me is learning, and accepting. learning about people and the place itself. i’m pretty sure i like history more than the average person does. i can read for hours/and hear stories of whats happened (like on September 11), but being there. visiting takes you to another place. the pages come to life. you close your eyes, take it all in. how will this change you? can you appreciate life a little more? will this change your perspective on life? so you can hand me a book and ill probably finish it within a day or two but my favorite way of learning is by traveling and feeling and accepting that things happened and things will continue to change. and i’ve chosen to acknowledge that and

**fyi vi almost choked and i literally never hit someone so hard on their back as i did right now.. but as i was saying. i would much rather be out gaining experience than sitting at home pretending this comfortable life is enough.

how to get along with people you don’t like (or don’t like you)

a-easy matthew¬†5:23,24. if you’ve done that and there’s still problems UNFOLLOW BLOCK REPORT CANCEL DELETE.

vi-bye felicia. you’re removed from my life, that’s a wrap.

a- you’ve been excused from this narrative.

random things that we are extremely passionate about

a- let me go first because i think there’s a lot of random things that me weirdly me

*my ideal saturday night is wine and breakfast at tiffany’s and as vi knows i have every word memorized. i’m absolutely¬†in love with audrey hepburn.¬† i think she’s so so gorgeous and i just want to be as classy and pretty as her one day.

*JAPRIL MY HEART IS JAPRIL

*i’m 100% convinced disneyland is the happiest place on earth.¬† no questions about it. i’m a princess and i don’t care.

*derek should not have died but mer is the sun.

*jackie o and mr kennedy? i mean obvs not your relationship goals but aren’t they gorgeous?

*ill marry you if you buy me a house with a huge kitchen and a library.

*i bleed purple and gold. lakers all the way and kobe is the bae.

*i’m here for the new taylor the old one the country one. i’m here for it all.

vi-

*i have an unhealthy amount of love for dates (the food lol)

*serena’s¬†INSANE fashion sense

*i take videos every time i go somewhere and it makes me so emotional you guys have like no idea i cry when i finish a video because i just love it

*trader joe’s

*i am high-key in love with cole sprouse and no one can stop me

*also i love jane birkin, i want to dress like her (70’s is my favorite thing ever ever give me all the bell bottom jeans ever)

*thrifting. 90% of my clothes is thrifted and adorable

*CHAIR, three words, 8 letters, i’m dead.

a-¬†i hope everyone has a person like this in their life. someone who you’re so sure won’t ever leave.

thanks vi for letting me write with you, and thanks to everyone who read this and made it all the way to the end. (sorry it was so long)

das it. we’re out. see you on tuesday.

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adventure, blog, life, photography, travel, travel diary

new york: travel diary

“the universe is in your bones, the stars in your soul; its never really the end”

how incredible and amazing was this trip? i can’t even fathom or explain it but here’s a go at it: the happy. all of the happy. the getting lost in the subway, the going to the grocery store in the middle of the night sitting on the roof eating cereal nights. the random hole in the wall cafes that bring out the best of laughs in all of us. the heartfelt conversations on the metro. the feeling and certainty that everything has changed but everything is okay. and the beauty of change. of knowing that this time its okay to let go of people and things.

i believe some travel experiences just shape and impact you in ways that you don’t even understand yourself. i strive to keep going places until i can say i’ve found myself. or at the very least to keep expanding and learning and believing.

here’s a random thought: life is sometimes, between all the monotony, failed dreams, unspoken apologies, problems and trials and terrible people, so very beautiful. Lets enjoy the little tiny pieces of uncomparable happiness. this trip was one of those little crazy pieces of life you’re not sure are real. Hope you guys enjoy this little diary i put together.


Día Uno (Aug. 30th)

we took a red-eye flight from phoenix and got to newark at around 9 am. soo tired but so ready for the day (nothing a little makeup can’t fix amiright?). we then made our way to wallkill, new york, a little more than 2 hours away from newark- definitely a nice, quiet part of upstate new york. we made it to wallkill bethel, and wooooow. i had been here before in the winter but summer suits wallkill beautifully. we had a quick lunch, met some really cool people and then headed for our tour!

a few highlights:

me and alons in the lobby and then in the printing press (look how tiny we are!!!)

a bit more from the printing press. let me just say that it’s incredible coming to wallkill and seeing everyone at work at the presses. it seems like such a difference since last year when i was there, everything is visibly more advanced and more accessible for everyone.

we met people from (surprise!) arizona, california, and i believe germany.

and this is one of my favorite pictures. i have an identical picture from last year but this is one of my favorite views in wallkill because out of these rolls we get our information, we get our publications.

after the press, we headed outside! to the prettiest lake view.

wallkill bethel

then we took a little extra tour of the farms, the shoe shop, the cemetery, and a few parks around bethel.

view from outskirts of bethel

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goodbye walkill(you are most definitely my favorite) we will see you soon.

part two: warwick, new york. we then drove about an hour to warwick, ny and arrived at warwick bethel. this is what we were most mosttttt excited about. warwick bethel: breathtaking, simply breathtakingly beautiful. i encourage anyone who wants to go to plan and see this beautiful place, this beautiful house that we have been given so lovingly.

the watchtower

we arrived at warwick at around 6 for our tour with a good friend who took us on this tour (thank you!). the environment here is gorgeous. that’s the only way to describe it because i was sick, tired, and running on 2 hours of sleep but i enjoyed this so much.

we went straight to the self-guided tours and exhibits which i won’t give too much away of because it’s something everyone should see for themselves. here are some snapshots of our evening:

1: the ‘ Bible and the Divine Name’ exhibit that used to be in Brooklyn. listening to the self-guided tour.

2: the best mural i’ve seen. so many tears and good feelings for what is to come. this was part of the tour ‘ A People for Jehovah’s Name’.

3: the really really cool elevator that pau so kindly pointed out.

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“a day in your courtyard is better than a thousand anywhere else”

we got to see the photo drama of the creation, which i hadn’t seen in brooklyn so i was very very excited to finally see it.

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we said our goodbyes to warwick with full and thankful hearts.

after leaving warwick (crying might i add) we headed to brooklyn bethel, where we had the privilege of staying in the towers building on clark street.

this is how we ended the night, with beaming hearts and so much gratitude.

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towers gave us the best view, goodnight nyc. it was a wonderful first day

Dia Dos (August 31st)and hello brooklyn! we started the day admiring our view for the next few days, now in actual daylight.

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our favorite window

this day we slept in so naturally we went to have brunch, and after wandering the streets of brooklyn for a while we found a cafe. so good. soo good.

we had brunch at 61 Local. the best vegan tacos in the world no matter what anyone says ever. it was a little on the pricier side (just fyi) but so worth it. and everyone working there was very nice, which is always a plus!

i had some mushroom tacos, my sister had the avocado toast, and alons had tacos as well. overall 10/10.

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after brunch we went for a walk in brooklyn heights, pineapple street anyone?

can i please be carrie bradhsaw for a day?

next: brooklyn bridge park and¬†brooklyn bridge. lots of walking (duh), we ate mangoes, and we heard ‘get out of the bike lane’ one too many times, anyone else?

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A: no matter the hardships, the losses, the unfortunate fact that our lives are far from perfect..this trip with you was a reminder that the true friends are the ones that never left no matter the circumstances, the ones that stayed through all the heartbreaks and mental breakdowns. the ones you can quite literally call at 4 am only to hear them tell you that they won’t leave, not like the others. and i believe you a, i have since i met you. no matter what anyone has to say about our friendship.

and my sweet little sister. i love you beyond comparison pau. even if we fight, i plan on taking you to as many places as i can at least until we run out of ideas. never stop being yourself. never let anyone tell you you can’t achieve something because i am so certain that you can.

now back to our day. even though it’s now closed, we went to visit brooklyn bethel at least from the outside.

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sometime during the day, we found ourselves in the famous park from the “Brooklyn” movie, which is a must watch if you haven’t seen it yet. it’s honestly one of the most beautiful movies i’ve seen. and so was this park, which sadly i don’t even know the name of…..

anyways we somehow found ourselves super lost on the metro because nobody told us we shouldn’t take the R train. but after getting on and off what seemed like a hundred times, we made it to the staten island ferry.

we went to staten island, danced to taylor swift, found a random rooftop, and also looked for pretzels which we found but didn’t buy for obvious reasons…..

we made our way back to brooklyn, stayed far away from the R train and got home to eat cereal and peaches. we practically lived off cereal and peaches that week which isn’t as bad as you may think.

Dia Tres (September 1st) 

i feel like im talking too much so heres what we did on day 3: we went to the MET, the met steps because gg (of course), we met up with janys (!!!), me and janys had been wanting to meet for a really long time. her feed is amazing, she is the sweetest, and she took us to the MOMA museum and freemans alley that day. thanks to her and her friends for the fun-filled day. we can’t wait to come back and hang out with you guys in long island!

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felt just like S and B walking these streets

the architecture and design at the met is beautiful. its never-ending and i wish we had hours upon hours to explore every bit of it.

1: egyptian jewelry exhibit

2 & 4: the famous met window overlooking central park

3: actual egyptian pyramid inside the met

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we also might have gone to the tiffany’s store and have been a little too influenced by audrey

as you guys can tell, we started the night serious, and ended it laughing and with the biggest smiles.

we also went to MOMA as i mentioned before. claude monet and contemporary art were quite the addition to the night.

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freemans alley & restaurant

we ended the night at freemans. once again i am soo so thankful for this day. we made the most beautiful frienships ever.

Dia Cuatro (September 2nd)

CONEY ISLAND!

can you tell we were happy to be heading here?

we had breakfast at a bagel place that had amazing vegan cream cheese i wanted to bring all of it home…..all of it. we also went to brooklyn roasting company, possibly the coolest coffee shop i’ve ever been to.

and also the street! the famous brooklyn bridge street. it was pretty cold this day, hence the tights and jackets lol, or maybe its just because we live in the blazing heat in az, either way i promise it was cold.

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only because i liked my outfit

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the view from the pier

later this day, after buying one too many things and going on the ferris wheel the surprisingly rocks itself back and forth and was very scary no matter what pau says, we met up with my beautiful rosemary. i stayed with her last time i was in ny and i could not wait to see her!

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we went to the 9/11 memorial and little italy, china town, the oculus, and then to chelsea market.

audrey mural in little italy

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the mesmerizing oculus

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chelsea market in all of its vibrancy

we went back to brooklyn, me and a were feeling blue and we bought cereal and went up to the roof of towers to eat and just talk about life. for that night everything felt alright. i don’t have pictures of it, we all know the best nights usually don’t. but everything felt amazing and bittersweet, and nostalgic because we would never be in that moment again. we would never be 20, on the roof of towers in new york talking about everything wrong, but also everything good. nothing has ever lived up to that night ever since.

Dia Cinco (September 3rd)

we woke up early and left brooklyn to meet up at rose’s hall for meeting, we walked and took the metro which was a little crazy because it started¬†pouringggggg. we got to the meeting soaked but we got there, and we bought a clear umbrella (cute & convenient).

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p.s: we were wearing tennis shoes because dumb us forgot to bring flats so we changed into heels at the meeting.

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polka dot + clear umbrella= cutest ever

post-meeting photos( what are me and a looking at? the world may never know)

we went back to brooklyn early, said our goodbyes to rose, and went and did laundry which somehow called for cute pictures…..or alondra calling life alert, at least we got good pictures out of it?

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and clean laundry of course…..

after we were done eating and putting all our things away we went to grand central to relive some key gossip girl moments. S and lonely boy didn’t stand a chance…

we ended up going to hoboken this day, in new jersey. but to be completely honest all i left with was someones metro card and hidden goodbyes and lots of nostalgia, no further explaining can be done on this particular night.

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new jersey

Dia Seis (September 4th)first stop: jajaja nyc- a completely vegan mexican restaurant. anyone looking or vegan options in ny should most definitely try this, its not even weird fake mexican food like chipotle, this was actually good lol.

i had the flautas, pau had nachos, and a had chiles rellenos. soo so delish

inside of jajaja

speaking of food we had so much shake shack that i didn’t take pictures of any of it but shake shack is a must. fyi: if you’re vegan go for the garden dog with normal fries.

we went to central park, to the bethesda fountain where chuck and blair got married so of course we had to go.

we headed to the empire for some final views of this city of dreams before our last day ended.

sunset at the empire


we ended our last night at times square. we saved the most alive part of nyc for last. and yes me and alons wore matching glitter shirts (judge us, we really don’t care)

these lights are so bright‚ú®

to say we loved nyc is an understatement. new york has always been a one of a kind city in my eyes. also for anyone wanting to get from brooklyn to newark or vice versa, you can take the NJ transit line there and whatever train has a little airplane next to it will take you straight there. just make sure to leave 3-4 hours before your departure because public transportation is not the most reliable at times.

if you made it this far, congrats guys because i know how much i talk. i hope whoever reads this enjoys it and our pictures.

much love, as always.

v.

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life, travel

24 things I learned in 2016

 

2016 was a little tricky for most of us I think. it was wonderful and terrible all at the same time, something i’d never ever come across in my life. I would go on and tell you the enormity of everything i’ve learned (mostly unwillingly might I add) but that would defeat the purpose of the list.

what I will say is this: no matter how hard you think this past year has been or how much you think you didn’t deserve it, or even how much you wish you hadn’t done that thing or made that choice..sometimes choices are just that: choices. we can’t go back. we can’t change them. ever. it may not necessarily have been classified as a good or bad decision. all it is, is that: a decision.

“when you start to feel like things should have been better this year, remember the mountains and valleys that got you here. they are not accidents and those moments weren’t in vain. you are not the same. you have grown and you are growing, you are breathing, you are wrapped in endless, boundless, grace.¬†

and things will¬†get better. there is more to you than yesterday.”

-morgan harper nichols

  1. learn to love yourself. this is hard. probably the hardest but that’s why its first.
  2. sometimes not planning is the best planning. go outside. go on a trip. just go.
  3. don’t expect other people to educate you. please, please (please) educate yourself.
  4. along with that one.. read. everything you can, as much as you can.
  5. spending a day at the library is like stopping time for a little while. i promise.
  6. call your friends. text your friends. show up at their house. travel across the country to see them. don’t let time pass you by because life changes in an instant.
  7. let them know how important they are to you. sometimes we don’t¬†even know the things our friends are really going through
  8. trust your gut. if you don’t like the feeling, chances are you will regret it..just trust it.
  9. do not, i repeat do not remain close to people who make you feel bad about yourself..this is overly repeated but its so true. what you’re¬†really doing by allowing toxic people to remain in your life is not giving yourself the respect you deserve.
  10. ask for help. this is a big one. i very much hate the idea of having to ask anyone anything, but there’s a huge amount of growth that comes with talking about things instead of bottling them up inside.
  11. don’t make homes out of people.
  12. love, love, love. all the time. every day. even if your head is pounding. even if your heart is broken. treat other people like human beings.
  13. be independent.
  14. but also vulnerable – have a sense of independence but not to the point where you push everything(the good & bad) away.
  15. when you can’t control a situation, let it go. just leave it. there is realistically only so much you can do.
  16. enjoy every tiny moment that you feel even the slightest ounce of happiness. the car rides screaming your favorite songs with your best friends. laughing until you’re crying. watching the sun pass you by every evening. these are the little things you will never get back.
  17. looking at the stars can clear your mind. just look at them, even for a second. every night. your problems and worries and everything in between will feel so small in comparison to the massive sky above you.
  18. remain calm. it drives people crazy. but that’s not even the reason you should do it, do it because you trust yourself enough to figure things out.
  19. go for it. whatever you’ve been wanting to do. if you wait, chances are it will be so much harder for you to do. buy the¬†ticket. book the flight.
  20. don’t let others make you feel insecure.do not let their opinions decide for you. how they treat you is only a reflection of them
  21. its okay if your head is a scary place. you can (and should) talk about it. you would be surprised at how many people love you and are there for you.
  22. you will eventually run into someone who will exceed all the expectations you never knew you had. you will love them a lot. as you should. even if things dont workout. even if timing fails, at least you will know you took the chance and loved them.
  23. when people leave, don’t blame them. they love you, but they can’t stay..whatever you do, don’t call them. some life decisions are harder than we could’ve ever imagined.
  24. learn to say goodbye..this is extremely hard. the worst thing life can throw at us is the perfect situation at the wrong time. maybe you don’t understand it, i don’t even understand it still. and i know its hard, saying goodbye to the once in a lifetime, can’t live without you kind of people is heartbreaking. this not only goes for relationships but dreams or plans that we once thought were everything but we are different people and we are allowed to change. move on. start crafting a life that fits the version of you that you are now.

if you got this far…thank you for reading.

just a few highlights from the past year for me:

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