its been a long time guys.
since july to be exact. life is, has been, and will aways be crazy.
to be honest- these past few months have been full of adventure and re- self discovery if that makes any sense. i guess when you’re really living life goes by quick..because it’s already december. and im almost 22.
for the past two weeks or so i’ve probably been terrified of turning 22. for me it signifies more than just being able to sing the taylor swift song. it means a new level of ‘adulting’ that i wasn’t sure i was ready to take on at this point in my life.
but when have i ever been ready to take anything on? i think with certainty i can say never. but i do it anyways. i’m not the kind of person who waits for things to happen to me, i make them happen and go for it. we don’t have time to dream up scenarios where we get our lives together.
earlier this year i bought tickets to europe, on a whim, and i ended up going to five different countries. and to have done that at 21, it kind of blew my mind that i was on that airplane. one thing to note- europe is cold and you might get sick if you’re from arizona.
but it was amazing. i saw things i never thought i’d see in my lifetime. younger me felt like i was flying. one night when we got to our airbnb in paris, i went outside and i could see all these people eating, living their lives, sitting on their balconies and drinking wine and laughing and just: living. and its a shame that i had to see that to realize that the little things are what really matter. not the fact that you’re in paris or wherever you are. it is the small, the little things that light up the happiness in you and the creativity in you. of course i was happy to be there, i mean who wouldn’t want to go to paris? but what i mean is that you don’t have to go anywhere special for your life to be special. i probably cried more than i should have that day because i was just so thankful for everything that had led me there.
and for once – i was ready to take on whatever came next. i was and i finally feel decided and ready to move past the hard times that have come with growth, acceptance, and moving on from the past two years.
and to appreciate the people that grow with me. and to appreciate my family. and to appreciate the fact that to get my heart broken i had to have a heart. and to appreciate that life happens- but we must always, always get up and have faith and trust that things will eventually get better.
i thought that i would have some huge realization or i don’t know what i was expecting but its been the small things that have held me together over the years. i feel like i can breathe again lately.
i didn’t even notice how well i was doing until i started dancing again. i started dancing in the shower and in my room and with my sister and with my friends. and probably like two days ago i felt so much happiness and i couldn’t believe that i was dancing again. i hadn’t done that in a long time. i was a dancer for years so the fact that i was doing it again was quite the accomplishment.
i’ve been putting more effort into things like my style- which is superficial in a sense but if you know me you know i’m kinda into fashion. but i wasn’t for a long time, i didn’t care what i looked like because its hard to do that when you hate your job and you’re not exactly happy with where you are in life. and someone (close to me) told me the other day that i looked so much better. and thats when it hit me. i was better, i am better.
i hated my job- so i quit. i would constantly leave so tired and upset because the way i was treated was honestly upsetting. i hated some situations i constantly found myself in- so i took myself out of them and stopped letting others take advantage.
and im so happy i did. i even gained some weight. which at first wasn’t something that i thought i should be happy about, but i am now because that means im taking care of myself. that means i actually have time to eat. that means that i’m feeling healthy again. i think we all underestimate the power of taking care of ourselves. constantly busy is not always good. slowing down is good. self care is good. reading is good. sometimes not traveling all the time is good. routine is good. laughing is good. and no one- nobody should take that away from you.
we live in a culture where people- especially young adults feel pressured to have their schedule full all the time- no matter what that may be.
but i just want to say that slowing down with my life has been huge for me. slowing down and knowing that everything will come in its due time is something i’ve had to repeat to myself every day. but its been worth it. its helped me figure out exactly what i want to do. exactly what i want out of this life.
and i know and accept that things may not go as planned- but they always, always go as they should.
so lets celebrate the small victories. even the ones in our heads. the ones only you know about sometimes. but also the big ones. the ones you thought you’d never get to- but look at you. you did it. even if by ‘it’ has meant getting out of bed or working out for once or eating enough food or starting your own business or simply being happy again.
its all valid. we’re all valid. every little dream of yours is valid.
we constantly have a blank canvas ready for us to make what we want of it.
remember- it’s all new here again. it’s all new and beautiful and we’re here to try again every single day.
with soo much love, as always. -vi🌙